Day 29: Last race of the season

Saturday

Well, i finished the month the only way i know how: giving it everything i had.

i started this month, wanting to do my best.
wanting to be able to sit on the track, take my spikes off, KNOWING, i couldnt have done anything more.
i wanted to lay it all on the line.
and know i put ALL of myself into it.

Today, i can say, i left nothing on the track.

I ticked all the boxes,
crossed all the "t's"
and dotted all the "i's"

i can honestly sit here and say, i gave it all i had.
and all i had wasnt enough for them
but it was certainly enough for me

i ran my 4th fastest time ever
struck down with a bad case of the flu.
couldnt breathe during warm up
at all.

i made two very minor mistakes
(and for those who hurdle they'll know that ONLY two mistakes is a good effort.)
but i walked off that track with my head held high

i took a risk
and looking at it one way, it didnt pay off
but the experience, the knowledge and the motivation i got out of this month
was more valuable then a commonwealth games A-Qual.

an A-Qual would have been nice
but the experience has set me up for big bright things in the future.

and all in all. im not ready for a championships team.
it wouldnt be fair.
i need to be stronger.
technically sharper
and i'd hate to say it
work harder

i know what i want
i know how to get it

all thats left is to be paitient
work hard
and reap the rewards.

i'd be lying if i told you i wasnt disappointed.
but every vomit session
every double digit rep
every squat hold
every 400m praying
ever weight lifted in the gym
every hard time i face in front of me
i will remember this disappointment
i will hold onto the bitter taste of disappointment
i will look it straight in the face
and i will laugh
i will work harder
push through the pain
i will bear it all
knowing, i never wanna feel this way again.
knowing, ill never let myself be faced with this level of disappointment again.



watch me.


you'll see.