Day 29: Last race of the season

Saturday

Well, i finished the month the only way i know how: giving it everything i had.

i started this month, wanting to do my best.
wanting to be able to sit on the track, take my spikes off, KNOWING, i couldnt have done anything more.
i wanted to lay it all on the line.
and know i put ALL of myself into it.

Today, i can say, i left nothing on the track.

I ticked all the boxes,
crossed all the "t's"
and dotted all the "i's"

i can honestly sit here and say, i gave it all i had.
and all i had wasnt enough for them
but it was certainly enough for me

i ran my 4th fastest time ever
struck down with a bad case of the flu.
couldnt breathe during warm up
at all.

i made two very minor mistakes
(and for those who hurdle they'll know that ONLY two mistakes is a good effort.)
but i walked off that track with my head held high

i took a risk
and looking at it one way, it didnt pay off
but the experience, the knowledge and the motivation i got out of this month
was more valuable then a commonwealth games A-Qual.

an A-Qual would have been nice
but the experience has set me up for big bright things in the future.

and all in all. im not ready for a championships team.
it wouldnt be fair.
i need to be stronger.
technically sharper
and i'd hate to say it
work harder

i know what i want
i know how to get it

all thats left is to be paitient
work hard
and reap the rewards.

i'd be lying if i told you i wasnt disappointed.
but every vomit session
every double digit rep
every squat hold
every 400m praying
ever weight lifted in the gym
every hard time i face in front of me
i will remember this disappointment
i will hold onto the bitter taste of disappointment
i will look it straight in the face
and i will laugh
i will work harder
push through the pain
i will bear it all
knowing, i never wanna feel this way again.
knowing, ill never let myself be faced with this level of disappointment again.



watch me.


you'll see.

Day 22-Day 28: thrown in the towel

this week i havent updated due to the fact ive thrown in the towel

last weekend was an amazing disaster and after 10 months of flat our comps and over 25 100m hurdle races (most people would do a max of 10 a season) my body has decided to call it quits.

now those who know me well know that i NEVER give up.
however, my mind has nothing to do with it,

my body just cant do it anymore

and its amazing it didnt give up months ago

however, with one more scheduled week on the coast i decided to go for broke
put in a solid week and try and cap of the month with a decent race.

training was going well
i felt strong and fast
and almost back to normal speeds

then my body, once again, proved how much ive over worked it
and now im as sick as a dog
race today
race tomorrow
then home time

what started as a chase for an A-qualifier has turned into "just get threw it" goal.

disappointing, but its not meant to be

ill come back stronger, fitter, faster and unstoppable next season.

but for now.
just gotta get threw it.

DAY 21: TGIF

friday


TGIF - 


Time 
Goes 
Increasingly 
Fast

&& i'm scared to think what will happen to me

if i fail.

race day tomorrow

take it seriously

make it happen

DAY 20: Time.

thursday

time seems to get faster the closer you get to the end of something.

today, i looked up
metaphorically
and i can see the end is in sight.

and its a scary prospect

ive spend 18 months chasing this dream
not knowing what will become of it
and within the next 9 days
i'll know.

18 months behind me.
9 days infront.
1 dream.

Day 18 & 19: Slip

tuesday && wednesday

this entry is titled slip for two reasons;

the first being that tuesdays session was a slip step session

the second being that i felt after wednesdays session my dreams slipping through my fingers.

lets start off with tuesday.

reading, training, reading.

trying to get my legs to remember how to turn over.

to no avail.

Wednesday:

after all the reading on tuesday, i gave up reading and turned to typography.

i liked it.

&& might have to get more into when i come home.

wednesday session was horrid.

you know when you have those days where nothing goes right?

i had a hurdle session.

i started warm up and it pissed down, 

obviously, i trained in it.

and sadly, the best part of the day was the weather

and that was shit

so i dont need to tell you how the session went

but something amazing happened on wednesday.

i really struggled, to even get out of the blocks.

attempt after attempt after attempt

i started to get frustrated

angry

passionate.

something i havent felt for along time in this sport.

passion.

after 45 min of barely making it over the first hurdle.

i found myself in the middle of the track

down on all fours

in the pouring rain

crying my eyes out

punching the track

yelling internally

and then, like someone flicked a switch

i realised how much i still wanted this

how much i still needed this

and i am still going to get this.

however, first thing im going to get, is a massage.

DAY 17: the beauty of the moment

monday

Monday i had a really epic session,

touch time/turn over session so nothing amazingly hard

but i decided i didn't need to be at the track to do this session

so i found an AMAZING spot of the top of a mountain

overlooking the beach and cliffs.

it was such a beautiful place to train,

even tho i didnt get to appreciate the sights fully

im worried.

about myself

im finding myself doubting myself

which is pretty normal

but also very unwanted

i need to snap out of this

i dont wanna go home without some form of reward

at the end of this month

they dont believe in me

&& im not sure i do either

DAY 15 & 16

Saturday, Sunday

bored.

hurdled sunday.

still bored.