DAY 21: TGIF

friday


TGIF - 


Time 
Goes 
Increasingly 
Fast

&& i'm scared to think what will happen to me

if i fail.

race day tomorrow

take it seriously

make it happen

DAY 20: Time.

thursday

time seems to get faster the closer you get to the end of something.

today, i looked up
metaphorically
and i can see the end is in sight.

and its a scary prospect

ive spend 18 months chasing this dream
not knowing what will become of it
and within the next 9 days
i'll know.

18 months behind me.
9 days infront.
1 dream.

Day 18 & 19: Slip

tuesday && wednesday

this entry is titled slip for two reasons;

the first being that tuesdays session was a slip step session

the second being that i felt after wednesdays session my dreams slipping through my fingers.

lets start off with tuesday.

reading, training, reading.

trying to get my legs to remember how to turn over.

to no avail.

Wednesday:

after all the reading on tuesday, i gave up reading and turned to typography.

i liked it.

&& might have to get more into when i come home.

wednesday session was horrid.

you know when you have those days where nothing goes right?

i had a hurdle session.

i started warm up and it pissed down, 

obviously, i trained in it.

and sadly, the best part of the day was the weather

and that was shit

so i dont need to tell you how the session went

but something amazing happened on wednesday.

i really struggled, to even get out of the blocks.

attempt after attempt after attempt

i started to get frustrated

angry

passionate.

something i havent felt for along time in this sport.

passion.

after 45 min of barely making it over the first hurdle.

i found myself in the middle of the track

down on all fours

in the pouring rain

crying my eyes out

punching the track

yelling internally

and then, like someone flicked a switch

i realised how much i still wanted this

how much i still needed this

and i am still going to get this.

however, first thing im going to get, is a massage.

DAY 17: the beauty of the moment

monday

Monday i had a really epic session,

touch time/turn over session so nothing amazingly hard

but i decided i didn't need to be at the track to do this session

so i found an AMAZING spot of the top of a mountain

overlooking the beach and cliffs.

it was such a beautiful place to train,

even tho i didnt get to appreciate the sights fully

im worried.

about myself

im finding myself doubting myself

which is pretty normal

but also very unwanted

i need to snap out of this

i dont wanna go home without some form of reward

at the end of this month

they dont believe in me

&& im not sure i do either

DAY 15 & 16

Saturday, Sunday

bored.

hurdled sunday.

still bored.

DAY 14: All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become

training last night was killer

i hate it when i get too excited to do 150's, sprint them all at 100% then struggle through the rest of the sessions. my 100 reps yesterday were struggle town and the 50 reps were arguably worse.

but im very impressed with my 150's. to hit out that many, thats fast with walk backs was actually something to be very very proud of.

But it find its very hard training by myself.

very very hard.

Apparently, the 2 new girls turned up to squad training back home last night. so, there was Andrea, Bec, Bec and Bec. yep. the two new girls are both Bec's. and we already had a Bec. fun times ahead. its not going to be confusing at all.

i cant wait to get home and meet the new girls. i like working with younger girls because i like teaching people just how amazing they can be, to let them know, its ok to dream. and aim high. and believe. The juniors thrive off me. and im unsure why. all i do is encourage them and help them believe in themselves. am i really one of the only people in the world that do that?

Its quite flattering really, for people to have that much faith in my words. because at the end of the day, i never had anyone in my life as a junior to help me keep believing. And i think life would have been easier if i had. so if i can help these girls out. thats all i need out of this sport.

attitudes are contagious. make yours worth catching.

DAY 13: pain

THURSDAY

Yesterday, was recovery day.

and i thought, lets go to movie world.

recovery day my ass.

im as tired as ever.

cross of a speed session and a p0ol recovery session today

get a massage

and on with the job ahead.

people think my life is easy.

but they only see the good.

- travel everywhere

- dont have to work 12 hours a day

- the only thing i have to worry about it training.

but they dont see the bad

its a lonely sport

the pain and hard work that is required is far far underpaid

the pain of disappointment

of injuries

im in a near-constant state of lactic.

its not even funny how much pain im in even right now

this is not an easy life.

this is not a life i want for my kids even

its just my life.

thats all it is.